“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”
– Arthur Somers Roche

I am Worry. It gives me great pleasure to invade your life and sprinkle myself liberally through your happiness. I love to spring up unexpectedly in the midst of your joy and to ruin every moment that you spend in my presence.

What do you hope to accomplish by playing in my garden? Does it give you comfort?

Perhaps. I know there are many who stay in my garden because they do not know how to leave it. Or they are afraid of leaving it; they’ve been there so long, they don’t know what lies outside its walls. 

And I don’t want them to ever find out.

I enjoy watching you when you are fully invested in me. It brings me great joy to see you so utterly focused on me because I am arrogant, you see. Some would say I have an over-inflated sense of self-importance, but I know that it is just that I am worthy of your full attention and once you give me just a little of it, I will demand more and more of it until you give it all to me.

I delight in watching that process and in seeing you absorbed in me. It is my magic power. And until you reach that point, I am always lurking nearby, always there to help you think of me.

Some might say that I am like a bratty child, always needing to be front and centre in your mind but I think this is unfair. It is simply that I recognise how very powerful I am and I deserve to be seen. It is a game of will and I would prefer to exert mine over yours than to have it the other way around, which would render me completely useless. This would not serve me at all.

It delights me to see you agonising over the many ways in which things could go wrong. I am a master at helping you to exercise your imagination and for this, you should be thanking me. You can go anywhere you like in your imagination and the more you use it, the better it becomes. 

Without imagination, life is quite dull. You could use it, instead, to imagine many lovely things that you could do and be, but this would mean that I die.

And I do not want to die.

I am a master of disguise. I love to dress up as Love and you have no idea that I’m not the real thing! I can infiltrate your thoughts and relationships. I will make you push your will onto others, out of what you think is Love when you make them do things by saying, “If you love me, you’ll do it!” 

HAH! This is not love! No, I am the one behind it, loving the power I have over you and laughing at you because I fooled you yet again. I am so playful. Oh the games I create in your mind are just so much fun! And I’m so good at disguise, you don’t even see me.

Sometimes I pretend I am compassion or kindness or many other more admirable traits but I can masquerade as almost anything I want and you never have a clue. Not until you understand me anyway, but I’d rather you don’t try because that would be the end of me.

I love it when you notice me settling into your guts, when you’ve been in my garden for a while or you’ve been coming to visit more and more frequently because then I know I’ve got you hooked. You feel that gnawing in the pit of your stomach, a constant sense of something being wrong, or it might be wrong, or there could be some evil lurking around every corner, just enough gnawing to keep you focused on me and this is what makes me so happy. 

You don’t even recognise me a lot of the time, which is part of what makes me so powerful.

Again, this is why I am a master of disguise. I can make you think you are concerned. I can make you think you are being responsible or cautious or careful. It’s true that sometimes you are being all of that, but many times you are not. I am the one behind those thoughts and in your heart of hearts, you know this. You just detest acknowledging me because it makes you feel weak, which gives me even more power and makes me even happier. 

I am doing such an excellent job! This is why I say I deserve your full and undivided attention. I am a superstar in making you feel weak and in manipulating you without even breaking a sweat.

So in those moments of your weakness, I am there, quietly disguised and growing stronger by the moment.

This is what gives me so much power. I can hide in plain sight and you actually think I’m doing you big favours. Isn’t it a brilliant scheme?

Even when you see me, I can make you think I’m your friend. I have an uncanny ability to make you feel comfortable. This is why you spend so much time in my garden. I take your mind off your real problems and allow you to make up a whole lot of other ones that haven’t ever happened yet and probably never will, because it’s so much easier to think about those.

And as long as I can keep you from thinking about what is really causing you trouble and trying to find solutions, the more time you’ll spend with me. I love it when you turn a problem into millions of “what-ifs” and they keep you occupied for as long as you can keep coming up with them.

You’re a bit like a very small child that way because of how easily I can keep you occupied. It’s like dropping a little toy in front of you and watching you become fascinated with it and the more little toys I drop, the more I enjoy watching you pick up and play with one after another, after another… I enjoy it because it makes me feel even more powerful. 

And I am powerful because you do not notice how much damage I can do.

Oh, sure, everyone makes such a fuss about the blowhards like anger and fear. I must admit, they have their own ways of trashing your life but they’re rather crass about it, don’t you think? They’re in your face, being painfully exhausting.

But am I like that? Oh, no. I’m much more subtle than those loudmouths. I can trash your life quite nicely and I can do it with finesse. I’m classy that way. Heads turn when I show up. You notice and you find me intriguing and interesting and you want to listen to me. Even if I make you a little uncomfortable, you cannot pull away. In fact, your discomfort is what brings you closer.

I can bat my eyelashes at you and you hang on my every word. You want to buy me a drink and listen to more of what I have to say. But those uncouth windbags — fear, anger and the others in their gang of thugs — well, no one likes them. They force themselves on people, which I think is terribly rude, to say the least. They’re the party crashers that no one wants to see. 

But I am the belle of the ball. Somehow, I bring comfort. People think I can help them find answers. They do not realise how very wrong they are. Isn’t it delicious?

I can stand there with you, martini glass in hand and looking so quietly elegant in my long gown, and I can give you tidbits of information, a few facts just to draw you in, enticing you with a smidgen of truth. And once I know you’re listening, I begin unloading all of my brilliant ideas and taking you and your delightfully fertile imagination down roads you couldn’t — and wouldn’t — possibly have ever even known existed.

We can travel a world of possibilities together, you and I. The stories I can tell… oh…I am an exceptional storyteller, a bestselling novelist in fact, and I keep those pages turning! You just can’t help yourself; you want more and more as my stories take you to all kinds of exciting and thrilling places. I am intoxicating and this is why you find it so hard to resist me — much less to let go of me once I have your undivided attention.

This is why I am so powerful. It is what allows me to destroy your happiness and prevent you from enjoying your life without much notice. I do it slowly and by stealth, because the truth is, I need you if I am to survive. I need you far more than you need me, but I do not want you to know that.

In fact, you do not need me at all but as long as you think you do, I hold all the power. Oh, if you were to understand that, I would die. I cannot exist if you no longer play in my garden, and if you stop inviting me to the ball. That would mean the end of me.

How selfish it would be of you to choose your own happiness over mine, and to choose your peace of mind over my very existence. I mean, after all I’ve done for you, trying to help you avoid parts of your life that you don’t like and don’t want to face.

If that’s how you would thank me for all the time and energy I’ve invested in you, then I would be deeply hurt.

You must remember that I am your friend. Or at least, I need you to believe that because as soon as you decide I’m not, our relationship will begin to fall apart. As soon as you start to think I’m not doing you any favours, it’s over. I know how this works. 

I have all the power as long as you think I do. But the truth is that it’s yours. It’s always been yours.

All you have to do is stay out of my garden. Do not invite me to the ball. How do you do this? It is so easy. If you only knew… You keep choosing thoughts that feel better and the more time you spend in that garden, the less time you’ll be in mine. I will disappear — vanish into nothingness. 

And the saddest part for me is that after spending so much time being front and centre in your life, you won’t even miss me.

Here’s the video of this message: