Love Transcends: A Wife Reaches Out for Forgiveness From Beyond the Grave
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A journey of guilt, grace and healing
At the beginning of every session, I always asked clients not to give me any information during the reading, other than to answer my questions with, “Yes,” “No,” or “I don’t know,” and if I asked a question that required anything more, I wanted only the briefest answer possible.
Not only did this help me offer a clean reading, it removed any speculation that I was merely feeding back what I’d already been told, or that I was making educated guesses.
In other words, it removed the possibility that I was a fraud.
I knew nothing when the sessions started, other than who it was they hoped would come through or what they hoped to achieve from our time together.
In the interests of brevity, what is written below is a condensed version of the reading.
“RS” sits across from me. He is about 60-ish, grey hair, well-groomed, attractive. He has a beautiful smile but it does not mask the sadness that hangs in his dark brown eyes.
He hopes to connect with his wife, “LS”, who has been in spirit for 4 years.
“I’ve never done anything like this before,” he says, obviously nervous and not doing a great job at hiding it.
“I can promise you, I don’t get information that might be hurtful or upsetting. Nothing you wouldn’t be prepared to hear. The only messages that’ll come through are messages you’re ready to receive.”
“Are you sure? How do you know that?”
“That’s just the way this works. I know there are some readers who say all kinds of things that I’d call inappropriate, at the very least. To be honest, I always wonder if they’re really getting that from Spirit or if they’re just making up stuff even if they aren’t aware of it.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Well, I suppose there are lots of reasons for that. None of them good. But I can assure you that a genuine message from Spirit will always be given with your best interests at heart, and only in the right time for you to receive the message. At least, that’s been my experience with this since I was a kid.”
“Since you were a kid?”
“Mm-hm. It’s true that sometimes we can see potential challenges ahead, but even then, this information needs to be delivered in a way that clients are ready and able to hear, and that allows them to feel like there’s something they can do to minimise or prepare for it, or maybe even prevent it altogether. If you ever leave a reading feeling frightened or distressed, the reader did not do right by you.”
“That’s what I’ve been afraid of. It’s why it took me this long to do this. Plus — well, I don’t want to say anything else. I just want to see what you have to say first.”
“Good. I don’t want you to say anything. Just yes or no but don’t offer anything extra unless I ask. And before I get started, I just want to say that you’ll have ended up here because it’s the right time, and I promise you’ll leave here feeling better for having had this experience. Nothing scary or upsetting, okay?”
“Okay.”
I didn’t have to wait for her to show up.
“I’ve felt a woman here with me since I woke up this morning. I’ve been trying to keep her from coming through until now, but she’s been impatient and insistent. I don’t like to receive information until I’m fully ready but sometimes spirits don’t want to wait.”
“That sounds like her,” he chuckles.
“Okay, this is weird. Well, maybe not, but you know those candies from a long time ago, the ones that were called Sweetarts because they were both sweet and sour?”
“Yes.”
“She’s showing me a packet of those candies. Man, I used to love those. Haven’t thought of them in years!” I can’t help but salivate at the memory of how tart they were on biting into them; I love sour.
He smiles but remains quiet.
“She’s saying ‘sweethearts, sweethearts.’ Does this mean anything to you?”
“Yes.”
“There’s a big building. She shows me the two of you and this building. She’s making me feel like you’re a lot younger. Ah. College sweethearts? Or high school sweethearts?”
“High school, yes.”
“Okay, thank you. She’s still showing me the candies. She’s already validated the sweetheart connection so I have to ask if they mean anything else?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Thank you. She says you never believed in this sort of thing and used to laugh at her for having readings or doing any of this stuff.”
“Mm-hm. True.”
“She says she always told you she’d find a way to prove it was real, but this wasn’t what she had in mind. I’ll give her credit, she’s got a sense of humour!”
“Yeah, she sure did.” A sad smile.
“She was sick. She didn’t go suddenly. She was sick for quite a long time. Something that feels like it’s in her whole body.”
“Yep.”
“I feel weak, like it’s a whole systemic thing. I can’t make my body do what I want.”
“That’s right.”
“Okay, thank you. But before that happened, she’s active. You’re both active. She shows me both of you, laughing and I have a sense of a lot of physical movement, feels like outdoors, like maybe running or skiing or just a lot of different things but you share a love of activities.”
“Yeah, we did.”
“She had a hard time accepting that her body wasn’t working properly. It took a long time; it wasn’t an overnight thing.”
He nods slowly.
“She could feel your frustation, too. And — there’s something else. Just a minute.” I can’t put my finger on the feeling right away. “Ah. Helpless? Powerless? Or upset about not being able to do anything about it? Something like that?”
“Mm-hm. Yeah.”
“I understand. That had to be so hard for both of you.”
He remains silent.
Her energy shifts. “She’s giving me a feeling of something being wrong. I mean, other than her being sick or the feelings you both had about that. It’s like — I guess the best way I can describe this feeling is guilt. She’s giving me a feeling of guilt and she wants to apologise for something.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”
“She says you know what it is. She was watching when you found out. Does this mean anything to you?”
“Well, I can’t say I know if she was watching, but I did find out about something.”
“She’s aware, and she was there. It looks like a letter or a card, something that’s handwritten?”
“Mm-hm.”
“It’s not written by you. Or by her. She says she thought she’d got rid of everything because she knew she wouldn’t be here. But she missed this one.”
“Hm. Okay.”
“She’s says she’s sorry you had to find out like that. She tried to tell you before she crossed over, but she decided there wasn’t any purpose in hurting you because of her guilty conscience. Do you understand this?”
“I sure do.”
“She’s showing me the two of you being quite separate at some point. Like she’s over here and you’re over there, and it’s like there’s a wall between you. I don’t know if you were physically separated but your marriage feels quite separate. Does this make sense to you?”
“Yes.”
“She’s taking responsibility for this, says it’s related to her being sick but not exactly about that. I’m confused, not quite sure what she means. Just a sec … okay, this is about the way her illness is affecting both of you, that you’re both having feelings about it that are getting in the way. Would you understand this?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, and it’s during this feeling of separation that she turns to him. She’s not making excuses; she wants to be clear about that. She just wants you to understand.”
He says nothing.
“She shows me this huge gap between the two of you and it feels like she can’t get back to you. She doesn’t know how to reach you. And she was feeling guilty for having ruined your marriage because she was sick.”
His jaw falls open. “Guilty? For being sick?”
“Yes. She felt like a burden.”
“Yeah, she did talk about that sometimes, but I didn’t know she felt guilty.”
“She wanted to feel normal. She wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. She was scared, felt disconnected from you. Thought you didn’t want her anymore. And there he was. But again, she’s quick to say she still shouldn’t have gone there and she’s so sorry. She’s not trying to avoid taking responsibility for what she did. She just wants you to know why it happened. It was her fault, she says, one hundred percent, and she’s so, so sorry.”
His face softens. His shoulders drop.
“Well, I had a role in there, too, I guess. She’s right, there was a big gap, and I didn’t do much to fix it. I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings. And there were the kids, our families. Everyone sticking their noses in, always asking how I was feeling and I was sick of hearing about it and I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. Including her, I guess.”
“She wants me to tell you that she knows you did your best. It was hard for you, too. She knows what those people were like and could see that the more they went on about it, the more you hated it.”
“I had no idea.”
“Neither of you was communicating with the other; that’s never going to be helpful.”
“That’s true.”
“She’s been wanting to have this chance to apologise and to explain. She wants you to forgive her, not for her sake but for yours, so you can let go of this and move on.”
He’s quiet for a moment. The sadness seems to have lifted, at least to some extent.
“Yeah. I mean, I guess I contributed to this situation, too. I just didn’t understand till now. I’ve been so angry and so hurt, but … I had a hand in it. This wasn’t all on her. And she didn’t ruin our marriage. Yeah, I can forgive her. I hope she can forgive me, too, for not having been the husband she needed at the worst time of her life.”
“She’s saying that love transcends words and there’s nothing to forgive from her side.”
His eyes fill with tears, reminding me of liquid chocolate. He nods gently. “Okay. Yes. Love transcends words. It transcends the need for apologies. I understand. Can you tell her I’ll always love her?”
“You just did; she heard you loud and clear. Oh, do you mind if I ask about the Sweetarts?”
He laughed. “Yeah, she started buying those when we were kids and dating. When we’d get into some kind of a spat, she’d always buy a pack for us to share. She’d say, ‘Love is both sweet and sour’ and it always made me smile. It was her version of an olive branch and reminded me that we had to take the bad with the good. By the time we’d have finished munching on the whole pack, we were okay again. She still did it when we were married. I guess she’d be buying some right now if she could.”
His face relaxed into a warm smile, remembering.
“RS” contacted me a few weeks later to say he was feeling much lighter since our meeting. Having heard the reasons for his wife’s indiscretion had put things into perspective for him, and helped him see his own part in how it had happened.
He was especially happy to have let go of the hurt and anger, and to be back in a place of remembering how much they had loved each other since they were teenagers. He was grateful for the healing that had come from our time together, and ended by saying he was “a convert”. He added that he was officially calling himself a believer in life after death, and that he would happily have another reading someday.
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