“The sooner we let go of holding on, the sooner we can hold on to the beauty of what’s unfolding before us. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same forever.”— Julieanne O’Connor

One important way we can gently support one another and our loved ones is when they’re struggling with “letting go.” Over the years, I’ve noticed with family, friends and clients that it seems that’s one of the biggest challenges we face. By “letting go”, I mean anything that holds us back — bad relationships, beliefs that keep us stuck or that don’t allow us to grow.

Or hanging onto material belongings, the past, that old anger or resentment that gnaws on your soul — you know, the one from something that happened 100 years ago.

I used to have a death grip on a lot of things that weren’t doing me any good. There was always that feeling that if I waited just a little longer, I might need that thing, or it would go my way or … whatever.

Spoiler alert: That. Never. Works.

No matter how hard we hang onto something, desperately trying to control the outcome, Life finds a whole lot of ways to make sure we know that’s dumb. But no matter how often the lesson gets put in our paths, we keep trying to find a detour to avoid the dang thing.

And in my experience, the more I’ve refused to get the lesson and LET GO, the more painful it’s become. It was like trying to wrestle with a cloud or nail jelly to a tree. But I wasn’t gonna give up.

Until the Universe conspired to pull the rug out from under me in a huge way. My idyllic life was blown to smithereens. The sweet, romantic marriage I thought I’d finally got right. The quirky, charming old cottage we’d so lovingly restored, making it the first place that ever truly felt like my “home.” My financial life and security I’d never had. All of it. Gone.

And that was just the beginning.

Desperately trying to pull it all back together somehow, clinging, clinging, clinging when it was so painfully obvious it all needed to go, I contacted a gifted Tarot reader who had helped me through many rough times. His wisdom and insights always went beyond what the cards showed and I knew I could trust him to help.

Sure enough, he walked with me through the emotional mine field, gently guiding me, nudging me, preparing me for what he knew was right and best, but that I was unwilling to hear. I wasn’t making it easy on him.

But as always, he said what I needed to hear, whether I liked it or not — in his gentle compassionate and sensitive way. It was one of the most profound statements I’d ever heard. And nearly 20 years later, I can promise you it’s helped me countless times since that day.

It was simple, but it sure packed a punch. He said, “Sometimes the holding on is harder than the letting go.”

Turned out, he was right. Once I was willing to accept the truths I’d fought so hard to ignore, something unexpected happened.

I was overcome by a glorious sense of peace. I would never have believed I’d feel like that after my blissful dreams were blown to hell but I did.

Turned out that dream wasn’t meant for me. The Universe had other plans. And once I was prepared to accept that, I could start paying attention to the signs that would direct me to Whatever Was Next.

Letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s about realising when something isn’t doing you any favours and it’s time to stop. You can try as hard as you like, but ultimately, you’ll never win a game of Tug-of-war with the Universe. Best to let go and see how beautifully Something Else will unfold when you give it a chance.

Recently, as a part of my preparation for a restful period of peaceful, “inputting” energy, I’ve been pulling apart my home, taking out absolutely every single item and giving myself and my home a Feng Shui refresh. This means paying attention to the Feng Shui principle that you must absolutely love or absolutely need every single item in your home.

Although I don’t have a lot of clothing by many people’s standards, I still managed to fish out a fairly decent pile of clothing that I couldn’t say I absolutely loved or needed anymore, and have delivered all of it to a nearby charity shop.

I even got rid of mementos that live in boxes. If I only look at them when I’m moving or having a clear-out and then they go back in the box, apparently I don’t need them in my life. Even the green dress my grandmother made for my Barbie about a million years ago (but it was miles too big for a Barbie so it was never used, but bless my dear grandmother’s heart, she did try). Bye-bye Barbie’s big baggy dress! (Photo above)

I turfed cards and special notes and so many odds and ends that have held loads of sentimental meaning for me — on one hand, it was hard to believe what I was willing to let go.

And at the same time, it seemed utterly ridiculous to keep them stuck in a box or a folder for years on end.

Why would I do that?? Especially for anything bittersweet or tinged with sadness? Not the kind of energy I want hanging in my home or my life.

Having got rid of everything I didn’t absolutely love or need, the energy in my home feels so much lighter — which is amazing, ’cause it was pretty darned restful and lovely already!