What Gift Would You Give Yourself “Back Then”?

AI image by author in Canva

And how would it have benefited you?

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to sit down with your younger self and share everything you’ve learned along the way? Or even just the highlights or the most important lessons?

If nothing else,this kind of reflection can be a powerful way to offer ourselves some compassion for all we’ve experienced and overcome.No doubt we’ve all had moments in which we’d love to go back and tell our younger selves that they’re going to make it through whatever obstacles Life throws in front of them.

But even more importantly, the very act of considering what we would say to our younger selves is a chance to remind ourselves of just how far we’ve come and how much we’ve learned.

If I could go back and chat with that young girl who was trying to survive in an abusive home, I’d have plenty to say. First, I’d be making sure she knew she matters. She grew up being taught that the feelings, thoughts and needs of everyone else mattered but hers did not. I’d be saying, “You’re just as important as they are, and don’t ever forget it.”

I’d be sure to tell her that the hurtful comments and insults that were hurled at her daily were no reflection on her. They weren’t even about her. They were the venomous words of others who spewed it in her direction because she was the youngest. She was quiet, sensitive and vulnerable. She was their scapegoat, the receptacle for their own self-loathing.

I’d urge her to listen to her intuition, to trust that inner voice that always knows the right path, even when everything feels scary and uncertain. It took me decades to learn how to do that and if I’d known about such things as a young girl, I could have saved myself a world of trouble and pain.

I would also tell her to stand up for herself. I’d tell her she doesn’t need the permission of anyone else to speak up, to say what she needs and how she feels. Even if others don’t like what she has to say, she has a right to say it. She has every right to take up space in the world, even if her family treats her as though she doesn’t deserve to breathe.

I’d reassure her that she’s far stronger than she would ever imagine herself to be. I’d tell her that there will be some extremely rocky times ahead, but if she honours herself and trusts her intution and allows herself to speak up, she will find more than enough strength to handle anything. And in the end, everything will turn out all right.

And the most important thing I’d tell her is to believe in herself, even when no one else does. In fact, I’d tell her it never matters if anyone else does. She does not need the approval of anyone else to be who she is. The only approval that matters is her own.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes how my life would have been different if someone had told me all of this back then. But since I can never know that, I can at least hope that by sharing these words, they might make a difference for someone who needs to hear them, and perhaps set them down a better course.