This Is Why Sundays Are “My People-Free Zone”
Image by author created in openart.ai
Wooden sign nailed to my Sundays: “Keep out. This means you!"
“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.”
— Barbara De Angelis
For some time, I’ve made Sundays my “People-Free Zone.” There are 6 days in each week when I’m available to book calls or visits but unless it is unavoidable because of the other person’s schedule (which is rare), I insist that I use every Sunday as a time of quiet and “inputting.”
I spend a lot of time through the week “outputting,” whether by engaging on Medium or with other work and projects I’m doing. And although most of my expectations and deadlines are self-imposed, I’ve still got to be outputting in order to meet them. And of course since 2022 I’ve had health challenges that have meant I need a lot of energy for healing. I’m still working out how to balance that with my desire to get back to my creative pursuits.
I’ve usually got some sort of a plan for each day, although it can change depending on what unfolds. Ahhh, the joys of living with my Pisces go-with-the-flow nature and because I live alone, I can do as I please. And although the specifics of my plans might change, I’m still selecting from a long list of Things To Do as I make my way through each day.
But on Sundays, I have no plans. I wake up and let the day take me where it will. It usually involves staying in my jams and restocking my inner fridge, so to speak. I’ve needed this more than ever in the past couple of years with significant health challenges and other issues that have taken a toll.
What does restocking my inner fridge look like?It depends on the day.Mightinvolve a lot of Netflix. Or not turning on the telly at all. Might involve a few hours with crosswords and other word-related puzzles. Perhaps some reading.Study Italian.Definitely a nap.There’s pretty much always a nap in my People-Free Zone(and to be honest, they’re pretty common on other days, too, as part of my general self-care, but even more often due to this rather long healing journey).
It might mean meditating more than on the other 6 days. Or hangin’ with my piano and Chopin.Or spending more time than usual enjoying the peace, candlelight, andspiritual connection of sitting on the floor in front of my altar.
Photo by author — my altar (although some of the ‘bits’ on it change depending on what I’m doing)
It’s such a treat to wake up early and see an entire, long, delicious day stretched out ahead of me with absolutely nothing in it besides keeping myself fed (in mind, body and soul) and happy.
I realise that not everyone has this kind of freedom. Not everyone has the luxury to do whatever the heck they want.
Heaven knows I certainly didn’t always have it. I spent a lot of hard years as a single parent, always with ill health, often without a father or anyone else to take some of the responsibility and give me some time off for good behaviour. No, I didn’t really feel like parenting was a prison. But it was definitely a relentless grind of challenges, especially given the extra issues that were front and center in my life.
When I look back on some of the most difficult of these, to be honest I’m fascinated that I’m still a functional human. I’m amazed that I’m not curled up in the corner wearing a “hug-myself” jacket and blowing spit bubbles.
For example:
I’ve survived six painful marriages, along with the emotional and financial fallout, some of the worst parenting nightmares, much of the emotional damage from an abusive mother, and so much more. I’ve moved 50 times in my life, and eight of those were international moves (seven of them in 11 years).
I’ve spent so much time “outputting” energy throughout my decades on the planet, constantly putting out fires, dealing with various crises and turmoil, it’s been beyond exhausting. All I’ve ever wanted is a sense of roots, stability, HOME.
But for as long as I can remember, I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle, just to get by, whether with the emotional challenges of my chaotic life and the disruptive and abusive people in it, or trying to sort out rebuilding my life (again. And again. And again. And again. And again …).
Thankfully, now my life is much more peaceful as I’ve cut myself off from toxic family or others. Since my last move just 10 months ago, I’ve been trying to reach a point of feeling settled and accepting that I live in Calgary again, and that this is my home now. This also means leaving my life in England behind, and letting go of my dream of having another sweet, old stone cottage in the English countryside.
So for 6 days a week, I can still “output.” My injury from late ’22 has prevented me from being as creative and productive as I’d like but I’m still chipping away at it. Plus I can still offer my time and energy for chats here and there with special people during those 6 days.
It’s important to note that it’s also essential to have balance on those 6 days so I’m not “outputting” from the time I get up until I fall into bed. I must be careful with my energy. I still need time every day to do things that feed my soul and restock my fridge, keeping me topped up.
I’m terribly sensitive to the energies around me, to the energies of the people with whom I interact, to the activities that occupy my time and thoughts. I enjoy — and I need — a couple of hours in the evening before bed to be quiet, to refuel, to find balance before going to sleep.
And On Another Note …
Sure, I have a busy life, even though “busy” for me is all about doing creative things I enjoy. But still, it’s “busy.” I need time to be alone and catch my breath. Y’know … that fridge-restocking thing.
And … I also love to be alone. I do not feel an intense need to be with others. Yes, I enjoy connecting with favourite people. And I can (and do) love them to bits without needing a lot of time with them.
In my late teens and early 20s, I was a complete mess of anxiety disorders and living an incredibly stressful, fear-filled life. I couldn’t stand my own company. If I was awake, I had to have music or the TV on in the background or be talking to someone on the phone.
Oh, man. I have a hard time connecting with that person now because after decades of healing and inner work, I absolutely love being by myself and being quiet. I’m probably too good at it, to be honest. I don’t need nearly as much people time as many others do.
“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.”
— Aldous Huxley
“The religion of solitude …” Yep. That sounds about right to me. Solitude allows me to stay meaningfully connected to my spirit, which is the essence of who I am. It’s not just me. It’s the same for all of us. Our spirits are the essence of who we are. They’re the source of our creativity, which is how our souls express themselves. Our spirits are what drive us.
When I allow myself to get bogged down in the human aspect of my existence and don’t spend enough time in spiritual connection and contemplation, I become exhausted, unproductive and unhappy.
I need — and want — time for that connection every day.
And on Sundays … well, they allow a weekly essential period of complete freedom to do anything I please, anything that ensures that connection stays strong so I can be at my best. They’re a “People-Free Zone” of quiet, music, reflection, study, playtime, creative journalling — whatever strikes my fancy — so my inner fridge is well stocked and ready for another week.
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