When dogged determination is all you’ve got left

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” — Booker T. Washington

Today is a Really Big Deal day. Well, it is for me and a few others in my family, but I feel compelled to share it as it’s a perfect demonstration of the topic I’d already chosen for this week’s newsletterish. Interesting…the Universe does enjoy a little giggle now and then. 

As I was getting organised to dive into Medium, I got a long-awaited message from my sweet daughter, Willow. And when you hear her story, I’m sure you’ll have a sense of why this is such a Really Big Deal. 

First — that’s my girl up there in that photo. A beauty, isn’t it? Yep. Inside and out.

*Sidebar: The anchor/rose tattoo was her half of our celebration of her 18th birthday. She chose the anchor because she says that’s what I am for her. And whereas my tattoo (which goes partway around my forearm) is a dragon (me) wrapped around a rosebud (her), she has the fully opened rose to represent her mama. 

Today, we got the news that after two gruelling days of national exams a month ago, Willow has passed the Canadian Dietetic Registration Exam and is now officially licensed as a Registered Dietitian. 🥳🎉🎈🌟🥂

Of course, this is good news and exciting in general. But Willow’s story makes it extra special. 

It took my girl a while to figure out “what she wanted to be when she grew up,” and finally in her early 20s, the answer came. I guess all those years I was cramming healthy foods down her throat had an effect. Along with a desire to help people feel better since she was a little kid, she’d developed a significant interest in food and healthy living. 

So — Registered Dietitian was the degree she chose to pursue, as it would allow numerous avenues and possibilities for how she could make a difference in the world, while emphasising her love for a healthy diet and lifestyle.

First, she was going to have to do a year’s upgrading to her high school courses. It was difficult after being away from school for several years, and it meant taking tough math and science courses — never her favourite. She was loaded with self-doubt but determined to give it her best shot. She dug in her heels and worked hard, all the while supporting herself as a server, and by the end of the year, she had fulfilled the university requirements. 

Here’s where it gets messy. 

Six weeks before her first day at university, Willow had emergency brain surgery. She’d always had migraines and bad headaches since she was a kid and was used to some pretty terrible pain. But in the days preceding the surgery, the pain was far worse than usual. Something was seriously wrong.

She ended up being taken to hospital by ambulance and to make a long-ish story short, they discovered something sinister. She had a cyst on her pineal gland, which is buried deep in the brain. When cyst on the pineal gland gets to be half a centimeter (0.2 in.) it’s already big enough to cause blackouts, seizures and death.

Willow’s cyst was more than 2.5 cm — over five times the size when it becomes lethal. 

The neurosurgeon couldn’t believe she hadn’t died or had other problems years earlier. 

Needless to say, they got rid of the cyst ASAP. But as a result of the way her brain had been compensating for this growing cyst over a long period of time, Willow was left with some permanent damage.

It changed her formerly perfect vision, which is now extremely blurry, requiring a strong prescription for glasses. 

She’s also got some learning problems. She struggles with processing what she hears, then being able to write it, and has trouble with memory. But she didn’t know any of that right after her surgery.

The day before classes were due to start, Willow had her 6-week check with the neurosurgeon and was cleared to drive. She asked if she could start university the following day. 

The doc looked at her and said, “Well…yes…but you’re gonna cry a lot.”

He was right. In those first several weeks, Willow cried every day. She was really struggling to absorb what was being said, then to try to translate that into notes. And forget about retaining the information. It was exhausting, to say the least, and the effort required to focus caused headaches. 

She ended up having to drop a couple of classes; there was no way she could handle a full course load — and as I mentioned, she was also working as a server (part-time, as student loans had kicked in when she started university) — a demanding job requiring mental focus and a good memory. Reducing the number of classes she could take meant she was extending the number of years it would take to get her degree. But she had no choice.

There were so many days she wanted to quit. She’d ring me after class and cry her sweet heart out, overwhelmed, feeling like she couldn’t go on, the road ahead feeling well beyond daunting. All I could do was validate how she was feeling and offer encouragement to keep going one class at a time, one day at a time. 

As much as she wanted to quit, she didn’t. She persevered, putting herself through the torment of trying to learn — and memorise — tough courses like organic chemistry, microbiology, physiology, and loads of information about numerous disease processes, medications and their various interactions and effects on the body — far more complex and brain-draining courses than I’d have managed at my best. I had a hard enough time helping her study. I couldn’t pronounce a lot of what I had to ask her! 

It should have only taken Willow the usual few years to get her degree. But because of her brain injury, it took her a total of 9 years to reach this point. Yep, 9 years of frustration and struggling to get through each class, each course, each assignment, every bit of memorising and every exam, sweating about the results. 

And dealing with a lot of Big Life Stuff on top of it — health issues, long-term live-in relationship that ended, fostering feral kitties, suing a landlord (and winning), job changes, having to move house a few times — so many other things demanding her time, energy and focus, some of it enough to derail others from less pressured situations. But she has kept going, moving forward, and refusing to give up her dream.

And now, after all of that, my precious girl has graduated — and having achieved perfect A grades, she graduated with Honours. 🏆🥇

A beautiful post script to her story — she was hired by a hospital several weeks before graduation. She finished her last official day of school on a Friday, and started work three days later on Monday. She’s over the moon, loving working with patients with a variety of significant illnesses and challenges, and her supervisors are loving her, too. 

Today, I was going to tell one of my own stories of persevering against the odds, but I am so blown away by this beautiful soul and what she’s achieved, I had to share her story. Not only has she proven her strength, determination and ability to overcome some tremendous challenges, she is a truly wonderful human. She never has a harsh word for anyone; she’s always kind, doesn’t hold grudges or lose her temper. 

This isn’t to say she doesn’t have feelings; in fact, she’s deeply sensitive. But she’s also learned some valuable lessons about how to handle herself in even the most difficult circumstances, relationships etc. I’m so blessed and honoured to be her mama. She inspires me every day and I can honestly say I admire her more than anyone I’ve ever met. 

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