How To Stop Your Self-Destructive Tendencies – Starting Now

Photo courtesy of Jackson David from Pixabay

As all of us know, at times life can be difficult. And of course, it can be much worse for some than for others, but all of us have our own challenges. How we get through them depends upon a variety of factors, such as life experience, spiritual or other beliefs, and how strong our support systems are.

One of the most important aspects of coping with stress and life’s challenges is how you feel within yourself, and about yourself. Do you feel a sense of turmoil? Are there unresolved emotional wounds eating at you? Do you feel like a failure? Hav you got a steamer trunk filled with self-esteem issues strapped to your back?

If these or similar kinds of problems are overshadowing your life, it can be easy to become self-destructive, especially when faced with the challenges that lie in your path. When you don’t feel confident and at peace with yourself, self-doubt creeps in. It’s quickly followed by negative self-talk, which rapidly turns into self-criticism and guilt.

In that frame of mind, it is a short trip to self-destruct. You wind up feeling like there’s no use in trying to improve your life. You might start thinking you don’t deserve to be happy — or worse, you deserve the difficulties you’re having. 

All too easily, you can slide into choices that validate what you believe, and the turmoil and unrest continue. The unhealthy habits continue. The poor lifestyle choices continue.

It is only when you truly love yourself — for all you are, and for all you aren’t — that it is impossible to do anything self-destructive.

Take a look at your life — and your lifestyle, too. Do you consciously make unhealthy choices for yourself? Are you deliberately putting yourself in situations that are harmful to you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually? Do you hang out with people who drag you down or adversely impact your life in some way?

Many of us do this to one degree or another. We don’t exercise. We drink way more alcohol than is good for us. We smoke or eat too much junk food. We stay in unhealthy relationships, allowing partners to belittle us or control us. We cling to “old friends” who aren’t good for us. We don’t get enough sleep. And most definitely, we don’t get enough playtime.

Can you see any self-destructive tendencies in your own behaviour? If so, perhaps a little chat with yourself is in order to try to determine its origin. You might already know the answer to that. Or perhaps you need a little help in figuring it out.

Don’t panic; you don’t have to resolve those old issues in order to move past them. You don’t have to spend years in therapy healing them. It’s just helpful to have a general understanding of yourself and the roots of your self-destructive behaviours. 

Once you’re aware of the cause of your self-destructive actions (or inactions), focus on self-love. It might feel foreign and uncomfortable. It might feel downright awkward, depending on just how low your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are. So it’s a “fake it till you make it” situation. 

Begin treating yourself as if you’re someone you adore, or someone you idolise. Treat yourself as though you deserve to be loved, respected and valued, even if you don’t believe it 100%. No matter how strange it feels, stick with it. 

Do special things for yourself. Pamper yourself, even in the smallest of ways. Repeat loving affirmations every day. Yes, they really do work. It just takes time.

The more you do this, the more you will gradually and naturally heal the reasons for your self-destructive tendencies.

And the more you feed your soul words of kindness and compassion, the more you will begin to love yourself — as Savage Garden would say, “Truly Madly Deeply.”

YouTube video courtesy of Savage Garden

For a more thorough “fix,” and one that begins to show results more quickly than by simply using the above method, you might want to find ways to address the deeper issues. There is no end to the self-help books that are available. A personal favourite is Dr. Phil McGraw’s “Self Matters.” Whatever you might think about him, that book is a revelation in so many ways. If you use it properly, reading the valuable information and fully answering the lists of questions, it is truly life-changing.

There are also countless support groups, chat rooms, and blogs where you can connect with others who are on a journey of healing. There are YouTube channels, Ted Talks, and inspiring content all over the internet. 

I can assure you that whatever is at the core of your self-destructive behaviour, you are definitely not alone. And I can also assure you that healing is possible — if you want it.

The goal is to attain inner peace. This is the root of contentment, joy, and happiness. When your inner struggles have ceased, when the demons have been banished, when the chaos subsides, all that remains is peace. And from this place, everything feels easier. 

And the only way to reach that goal is through self-love. This means accepting yourself, 100%, warts and all. It means speaking loving words and acting in a loving way toward yourself. No matter what.

Once you reach that beautiful place of self-love, you will be unable to harm yourself or anyone else. Now isn’t that a goal worth reaching?

Spiritual Arts Mentor and Master Teacher, Liberty Forrest, guides you in discovering who you are, why you’re here, and how to follow that path.

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