How To Support Loved Ones, Even When It's Hard

Photo courtesy of Annie Spratt from Pixabay

“The real road of compassion, that is, giving, helping, assistance and community service, is a road that can be set and declared as your life’s purpose.” — Byron Pulsifer

There are times when family or friends call upon us to do something for them and it is something we don’t think we can face. I’m not talking about being asked to break the law or to willfully hurt someone or anything like that.

I’m talking about situations in which people need us to do something difficult, something that frightens us or that overwhelms us, like sitting with them in a hospital during a horrible test or treatment. Being there during a traumatic Court appearance for a sexual assault. Or perhaps identifying the body of a loved one.

It can be especially difficult if what they’re asking is something that pushes our own buttons, triggering memories of some trauma from our own lives, or putting our own fears right smack in front of us.

What do you do in situations such as these?

Unfortunately, many people cannot — or will not — put aside their own fears, their own memories, or their own discomfort and agree to help. They have a choice about whether or not they endure the difficult situation but the people asking for help do not. What’s worse is that we may not even be personally involved in whatever that situation is. We feel for our friends, but we are not directly connected to the event.

If it’s bad enough for us that we don’t want to be involved, imagine how it is to be the people who have to be involved, who have no choice but to experience whatever it is that we find to be so distasteful. 

It’s quite possible that you have been on that side of such a situation, needing the support of people who didn’t feel as though they could stomach getting through it with you. And if that’s the case, chances are that you’re more willing to put yourself out for others in need, no matter how squeamish you are about doing what they ask.

Life is hard a lot of the time. And sometimes it feels impossibly, horribly unfair, too much to bear. But those times can be made a lot easier when others are willing to help us through the worst parts.

Isn’t that what we should be doing?

If we’re all in this very messy experience together — and of course, we are — shouldn’t we try to make it easier for each other? Distasteful, shocking, uncomfortable, painful or not, certain situations will arise. When we’re the ones in need, we’re happy to have someone say “Yes, I’ll help, I’ll be there. Never mind about me; this isn’t about me, this is for you. This is what you need, so yes, please, let me help.”

The way I see it, it is an honour to be asked to support others through their darkest and most frightening experiences, to be allowed into their lives in such an emotionally intimate way, to be trusted and respected enough that your presence makes a very powerful and positive difference in their lives. It is not a chore or a duty; it is a privilege. It speaks volumes about how you are perceived, about your importance to those people, what you mean to them.

In this way, it brings more meaning to your own life. And what a beautiful bonus — those people will never forget what you did for them. They will go through the rest of their lives, knowing that they were truly loved, that someone really cared, and that they were able to find comfort and support when they were most in need.

These are among the most priceless gifts we can give — if we’re willing to put our own “stuff” aside in order to help others with theirs.

Spiritual Arts Mentor and Master Teacher, Liberty Forrest, guides you in discovering who you are, why you’re here, and how to follow that path.

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