This Simple Tool Helps Alert You to Painful Situations
Photo courtesy of Photo courtesy of Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay
Sometimes, insights come from the strangest places. And sometimes, one simple movement can reveal an important life lesson well learned.
The key is to be open to receiving those messages when they happen.
I’d like to tell you a little story.
But first, a bit of background.
Like many people on the planet, it took several years for me to learn how to meditate. Mistakenly, I believed I had to empty my head of all thoughts. I tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed some more. No wonder I was frustrated and kept giving up.
Until I learned that meditation has nothing to do with not having thoughts.
It’s about discipline for the mind and learning what to do with those thoughts once they’ve found their way into your head.
Sometimes, it still amazes me that there was a time I couldn’t have meditated if my life depended on it, yet eventually I ended up teaching it. And writing an award-winning book on the subject, too.
Go figure.
But it’s precisely because of those years of struggle that I could do all of that. I had to learn what meditation is and what it isn’t. And when that light went on, it changed everything.
There are many ways to meditate and one of the easiest is to practice mindfulness. Once you get the hang of mindfulness and practice daily in meditation, it can be beneficial for your physical, mental and emotional health.
With mindfulness meditation, you acknowledge each thought and let it go. It’s about awareness, about noticing, and without judgment.
For example, you sit comfortably with your eyes closed. You notice how your breath feels as it moves through your nose and fills your lungs. You become aware of how parts of your body respond to that breath. Your shoulders move. Your chest moves. Your abdomen moves.
You acknowledge these movements, the awareness of these movements, without judgment, without thinking about them.
You let them go and notice another awareness. And another, and another.
Perhaps it’s how your legs feel. Are you cross-legged and feeling them touching each other? Or are your feet flat on the floor? How does the floor feel beneath them?
You notice the feeling of the chair or the ground that supports you, the air temperature on your skin. You become aware of a dog barking outside, the hum of a refrigerator, or the smell of something cooking downstairs.
With each of these awarenesses, you notice and let it go.
The point is to get to a place of stillness in your mind. Thoughts drift; they come and go but you are not attached to any of them. It’s about having thoughts but not thinking.
If you find yourself feeling a bit restless or perhaps experiencing a slight bit of discomfort or a little itch etc., you can use these to practice noticing and letting go of your awareness of them. A thought drifts in…perhaps you’ve got a tiny itch in the middle of your back. You let it go and remain open to what else is in your awareness.
This serves as excellent practice for noticing and letting go of the minor irritations of life that don’t deserve your time or attention. The better you get at doing this, the more calm and peaceful your life will be.
One of the loveliest aspects of a deep mindfulness meditation is that eventually, you can become so still and relaxed that there is a sensation of being disconnected from your physical body. When in this state, it’s unpleasant to be disrupted by even a slight movement because instantly, you’re reconnected with your physical body. It’s a bit like being just this side of asleep and suddenly being pulled back from that settled state by a sudden noise.
So it’s good to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible before beginning. Hopefully, this will lessen the need for physical shifts during your meditation.
The Story
This morning, my meditation reminded me of one of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout a rather turbulent and challenging life.
It was early; the world outside still dark and silent. I settled into my armchair, sitting cross-legged, as always, and enjoying the soft glow and cosy atmosphere from salt rock lamp. As usual, I wrapped myself in a thick, warm shawl made by my beloved aunt, who returned to spirit just a handful of weeks ago.
I sank quickly into a wonderfully relaxing and peaceful state, making sure to scan my body for anything uncomfortable that would interfere with my practice. After making a few minor adjustments to my position, I was ready to dive in.
About 10–15 minutes later, I began notice some minor discomfort because of the way my arm was positioned. I used this as an opportunity to practice noticing and letting go, doing my best not to judge the feeling as “painful.” I didn’t want to move it even slightly and disturb the deep state of relaxation and stillness I had reached. I’d got to that wonderful place of feeling disconnected from my body — apart from where my forearm met the armrest.
After a couple of minutes, it became clear that the discomfort was heading for “painful.” I could either: 1) continue to tolerate the pain, which would definitely be an ongoing distraction and defeat the purpose of meditating; or 2) tolerate a temporary disruption so I could regain inner stillness.
The moment I became aware that the discomfort was heading in the wrong direction, there was no choice to be made. A minute shift in my position provided instant relief with only a momentary disruption to the stillness.
It was an automatic response; I hadn’t even stopped to consider it.
And I smiled.
I smiled because this had been a natural reaction. I smiled because I realised it was a reflection of how I live my life. But it wasn’t always this way.
As a child, I was fed toxic beliefs that kept me stuck in painful situations. I had become too good at living with emotional pain and mental anguish; I didn’t know anything else. I kept getting into unhealthy relationships and thought they were “normal.” Well, they were “normal” for me, given my experience, but they would never be happy or healthy.
At some point, I understood that there had to be a better way to live. I saw other people being happy and enjoying life, not living in chaos, trauma and one crisis after another as seemed the normal course for me. I was determined to carve out some happiness for myself, too, whatever it took.
I set out on a journey to change my life for the better.
Over time, I stopped tolerating unhealthy relationships, no matter who was on the other side of them. I stopped accepting pain as a natural part of life. I stopped believing that I didn’t deserve to be happy.
More appropriately put, I began believing I deserved good relationships, a great life, and plenty of happiness.
I continued to chip away at my healing journey, doing my best to become a better, healthier version of myself. I continue to work at it daily and expect to do so until I draw my last breath.
The Lesson
One of the most important lessons has been to recognise when “minor discomfort” is turning into increasing pain. It’s been about learning what’s acceptable in terms of those aspects of life and relationships that cause friction and that require compromise and adjustment while maintaining a healthy foundation.
The lesson has been to recognise when a line has been crossed and now we’re into “unacceptable” behaviour or situations. When friction becomes abuse. When arguments become insulting. When you have to give up a piece of who you are in order to be with someone.
In the past, I’d have stuck with that pain this morning. I’d have tried longer and harder to tolerate it. I’d have insisted that I could beat it with mind over matter. And I’d have felt like a complete loser if I’d given up and moved to a more comfortable position.
This morning, my instant and automatic response to the minor pain in my arm served as confirmation of lessons well learned. Without thinking about it, I chose to move away from pain despite the disruption it would cause. Without thinking, I knew that to I will no longer tolerate unnecessary pain. Without thinking, I knew I deserved to feel better.
It might sound like a “no big deal” thing to some but it spoke volumes to me. It was a simple acknowledgement that my healing has been deep, lasting, and life-changing.
Practicing mindfulness meditation teaches you that life is full of minor discomforts and petty annoyances. When you practice letting go of them while meditating, it’s easier to let go of them in everyday life, too.
It also teaches you not to tolerate unnecessary pain because this will only serve to destroy your ability to achieve inner peace and happiness.