Here’s Why It’s Important To Ask for Help
Photo courtesy of Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
“We know you’re strong, but accepting help is its own kind of strength.”
— Kiera Cass
Early this morning, I was awakened by the distant sounds of some poor soul obviously in distress. I nodded off.
After a while, I was awakened once again, and the cries were more frequent. They increased in pitch, as the distress became more urgent.
I wondered what was wrong, wondered what was causing such desperation. But there was nothing I could do but be grateful that I wasn’t the one in trouble.
Could I not have picked up the phone and dialled 999? Could I not have got up, got dressed, gone out to see if I could help?
No, on both counts, because the distress was coming from one of the cows across the lane. The farmer is there. He could hear it even better than I, and he knows his “cow things” so he would tend to it as he’d see fit.
As I listened to this poor cow’s increasing suffering, I thought about how lucky we are to be able to seek help when we need it. At least, those of us who don’t live in Third World Countries, those of us who are privileged enough to have friends and family, telephones, doctors, hospitals, support groups, alternative health care options, emergency services, neighbours, even strangers who sometimes appear out of nowhere and make a huge difference in our times of need.
I thought about how lucky we are to be able to verbalise what’s wrong. What hurts, what’s missing, what’s so urgent. We’re so blessed to be able to speak up and get the help we need, yet so often, we don’t.
For many of us, it is difficult to say, “I need help.” We don’t want to be weak. We don’t want to bother anyone. We’re afraid of being dependent. We don’t deserve it. The list goes on and on.
And I’ve been one of the worst for this.
As a child, I learned very early that there was no help for the worst of my suffering. I was not protected in my home. I suffered at the hands of those who were meant to care for me. There was nowhere to go for help. It never even occurred to me to ask because I had been taught that I did not matter.
So I grew up not asking.
I spent my adult life not asking.
And even when help was offered, it was like amputating a limb without anaesthetic to say “Yes, please.”
Why?
Well, a variety of reasons. I had been taught I didn’t deserve anything good. I didn’t deserve to be heard. I was not important. My feelings and needs did not matter. And I was flat out told repeatedly that I was not as good, as valued, or worth as much as other people.
So why would I think I deserved any help? Why would I think my needs mattered?
Of course, I did not.
What is extra sad about this is that I know I am not alone. Far too many in the people have been treated the same way, leading to the same result.
This issue of not accepting or asking for help has been multi-faceted and has required many years of chipping away at its various aspects, healing several different issues that contributed to it. It’s been one of the most difficult lessons of my life because it sits right on top of those core issues.
In recent years, I’ve got better at both asking for help and accepting it when it’s offered, although it still feels like I’m wearing shoes that are two sizes too small when I do it. But at least I do it. Mostly.
A couple of years ago, it occurred to me that I’ve been asking the universe for certain blessings. Pretty basic stuff, really. Being with my family, keeping my business running well so I can support myself, and devoting my life to charity work in a big way. I’ve needed a miracle or two to make all of this happen.
Suddenly, I realised that I’d been putting up a huge stumbling block and if I didn’t remove it, I was never going to get my miracle. All my life, I’d been a “giver.” But I wasn’t very good at receiving.
If I didn’t know how to receive, why would the universe bother to give me what I wanted?
What was extra interesting is that as soon as I realised that I needed to learn how to receive, I was given some huge lessons in how to do it. There were massive offers from friends who wanted to help in ways I needed desperately. My first instinct was, as usual, to say “No, thank you.”
But I did not.
I saw that the universe was trying to help me. It was saying, “Here you go! Lessons on learning how to receive! Hurry up, because we have Big Things to give you, if you’ll just learn how to accept them!”
So I choked on “Yes, thank you.” And many times since then, it’s been stuck in my throat but I keep swallowing past it and let the words come out. Eventually, it gets easier.
And the miracles have begun. I haven’t got The Really Big One Yet, but several smaller ones have made their way into my life. The universe is responding to my willingness to ask for help, and to receive it gratefully when it is offered.
How blessed we are to manifest what our hearts desire. How blessed we are to be able to verbalise what we need.
It is far too precious a gift to be wasted.